Fixing Core Web Vitals is Like Running a Restaurant – Here’s Why

I’ve been in SEO long enough to see businesses panic every time Google changes the rules. When Core Web Vitals were introduced, it was the same story. People scrambled to “fix” them, ran a few Lighthouse audits, and called it a day. But that is not how it works.

I’ve seen businesses with fantastic content, strong backlinks, and a solid reputation, yet they were bleeding traffic and conversions. The common thread? A website that delivered a frustrating user experience.

Let’s be real. Core Web Vitals are not about technical SEO for the sake of it. Google is not introducing these metrics because it wants developers to be busy. It is measuring what real users hate.

A slow, unstable, or unresponsive website is like a badly run restaurant. If a customer walks in and has to wait too long for service, if the table keeps wobbling, or if they ask for something and get ignored, they will leave. And they will not come back.

Why this analogy matters

I do not just help businesses optimise their websites. I help them create experiences that keep customers engaged and spending. Core Web Vitals are not just for Google. They are for real people. If you do not fix them, you are letting money walk out the door.

Let’s break it down.

The First Course – Largest Contentful Paint (LCP)

Imagine you walk into a high-end restaurant. You are starving. You take a seat, glance at the menu, and expect something to arrive quickly. Maybe bread, water, or just a simple greeting from the waiter.

But nothing happens.

Five minutes pass, and you are still waiting. No one acknowledges you. No sign that your meal is even in progress. You start wondering if you made the wrong choice.

This is LCP. It measures how long it takes for the most important content on your page to load. If your hero image, main headline, or key message takes too long to appear, users get impatient and leave.

What I see all the time

I have worked on sites where LCP was seven, eight, even ten seconds. That is an eternity online. People bounce before they even see the page’s content. One client could not figure out why their traffic was solid, but their conversions were awful. Their LCP was so slow that 50% of visitors left before anything useful even loaded.

How to serve the first course faster

• Preload the essentials. Your hero image, fonts, and key content should load immediately. No waiting around.
• Stop overloading the kitchen. Too many third-party scripts and bloated CSS files are like a chef with 50 orders at once. It slows everything down.
• Optimise images properly. Serving an uncompressed 4MB hero image is like handing someone a menu printed on granite.
• Upgrade your hosting. A slow server is like an understaffed restaurant. No matter how good the chef is, the food will take too long.

What happened when I fixed this?

For that client with the slow LCP, I stripped out unnecessary scripts, optimised their image delivery, and switched them to a faster CDN. Their load time dropped from 8 seconds to 1.8 seconds, and conversions jumped by 34% overnight.

LCP is not just about speed. It is about keeping people engaged long enough to see what you have to offer.

The Wobbly Table Problem – Cumulative Layout Shift (CLS)

Your guest has just started their meal. They are cutting into their steak, sipping their wine, everything is great.

Then the table shifts.

Their drink spills, the knife slips, and suddenly they are frustrated. It is a minor inconvenience, but it ruins the experience.

This is CLS. It happens when elements on a webpage move unexpectedly, usually because of slow-loading images, ads, or dynamic content.

How this kills your conversions

Ever clicked a button, only for it to jump away at the last second? That is CLS. It makes people feel like they are not in control, and nothing kills user trust faster.

One eCommerce client had a buy now button that kept shifting because of an ad loading late. Users would go to click it and accidentally hit something else. Their checkout abandonment rate was through the roof.

How to keep the table steady

• Define width and height for all images and ads. If your layout is shifting as elements load, you are making users feel like they are dining on a boat.
• Reserve space for dynamic content. If you have pop-ups or expandable sections, they should not shove everything around when they appear.
• Preload fonts. If text jumps as fonts load, it creates a jarring experience.

What happened when I fixed this?

For the client with the shifting buy button, I reserved space for ads before they loaded. The layout stayed stable, and checkout abandonment dropped by 22% in a week.

CLS is not just an annoyance. It is losing you money.

The Slow Waiter Syndrome – Interaction to Next Paint (INP)

Your guest has ordered their meal. Now they wait.

And wait.

They glance around. The waiter walks past but does not acknowledge them. They tap the table, try to get someone’s attention, maybe wave.

Nothing happens.

This is INP. It measures how long it takes your site to respond to user interactions. If someone clicks a button and nothing happens for a second or two, they start getting frustrated.

Why this is a hidden conversion killer

Slow interaction times are one of the biggest reasons people leave websites, but most businesses do not even realise it. Your page might load fast, but if clicking a button feels slow or unresponsive, people assume your site is broken.

One client had an add to cart button that took two full seconds to respond. Their cart abandonment rate was 46% higher than their industry average.

How to make service snappy

• Reduce JavaScript execution time. Too much JavaScript is like a waiter juggling 20 orders. Things slow down.
• Prioritise user input. If someone clicks, show a response immediately, even if it is just a loading indicator.
• Defer non-essential scripts. Not everything needs to load at once. Let the essentials run first.

What happened when I fixed this?

I streamlined their JavaScript, optimised event listeners, and added immediate visual feedback when users clicked. Their abandonment rate dropped by 19% in two weeks.

Your Website is Not Just a Website – It is a Customer Experience

A five-star restaurant is not just about the food. It is about how smoothly everything flows. If the service is slow, the tables are wobbly, or the waiters ignore you, the food does not matter.

Core Web Vitals are not just ranking factors. They are real business problems.

I have worked with businesses where simple fixes like optimising LCP, stabilising CLS, or improving INP have led to six-figure revenue increases. This is not about ticking boxes. It is about creating an experience where users stay, engage, and convert.

Most businesses are still getting this wrong. They treat Core Web Vitals as a technical exercise rather than a critical part of their customer experience.

If you are serious about turning visitors into customers, it is time to get this right. And if you need someone who knows how to do it, let’s talk.